Improvise

The word of the day is "improvisation." That means when you improvise things. Let me give you an example, if I'm walking down the street and I decide, "Hey, screw this! I'm running," and I start running... BOOM! I just improvised the street into my own personal gym.

Here's the deal. I'm a busy guy and I've got a lot going on in my life. I mean, I've got a cat...

Also, I'm obviously in training for American Gladiators to be the next American Gladiator. So, that's two things and they both pretty much take up my whole day, every day. Also, I sleep and eat and go to the bathroom all the time. Actually, ever since I started eating so much steak and beers all the time, I've been going to the bathroom A LOT!

Improvisation is what people do when they want to do something that makes whatever they're doing better or do two things where most people would do one thing. Check this out:

Here you see me improvising a bunch of stuff. First of all, I'm improvising because I'm using beers for a thing that it's not usually used for, which is drinking it. No way! I'm definitely gonna drink it, but since I have to take it home anyway, I'm gonna do beer curls! Can you see my guns? Those didn't come from lifting wine coolers like some pansy! Nope, I'm talking about all American, ice cold beers in cardboard boxes. That's how you get into the kind of shape that I'm in, which is great shape.

Another thing I improvise is that I have a port-o-john in my yard that I use for two things:

1. As a port-o-john (like I said, with the amount of fuel a.k.a. beer and steak that I eat, you need to have a backup john ready to go at all times just in case your regular john in the house can't take the beating I have ready to go after a long day of training),
2. As a place to gather my thoughts.

That's not completely fair though, because, to be fair, I do a lot of gathering my thoughts while I'm using the port-o-john for its primary function.

Anyway, work on some of these beer curls that I'm demonstrating for you in this video. You could use normal dumbbells for curls, but then you couldn't drink them afterwards. That's why I'm gonna be the next American Gladiator and not some fitness whiz kid like Billy Blanks from that Thailand exercise crap.

Explosion and Surprise

Sorry I didn't make another article yesterday, I was working on a video for you guys. I know that you guys are learning a lot from my articles and pictures, but I thought that since we have all this high tech computer stuff, we might as well use it!



The secret to training is two things: explosion and surprise.

First of all, when you explode into your workouts, you get them done faster.  Faster equals better, that's rule number one.  Watch how, in the video, I have perfect balance.  You may not be able to use the ball if you're weak or a lady or both, so start out using your sofa.  Anyway, great balance allows me to really pop my elbow when I'm exploding.  When you do this workout right, you get the benefit of really working the elbow and also your chest.  The harder that the weight hits you in the chest, the more ready you're gonna be when a Gladiator tries to kick your butt, or, in this case, your chest.  Pain equals gain, that's also part of rule number one.

The second thing about training is number two.  That's surprise.  You have to try and beat your muscles and bones the way that Patton beat those Asian fellas in World War I.  How did he do that?  Surprise, of course!  He didn't just waltz into China and start throwing grenades!  No, he sneaked into China and started throwing grenades!  Anyway, nothing beats the element of surprise, except maybe explosion, which is why they are both so important.  If you do it right, the muscles in your chest and elbow are really gonna hurt, but that's okay, because that means you're doing it right.

Enjoy the video, guys.  I hope it doesn't make you too strong though, because the competition to be the next American Gladiator is pretty darn stiff as it is!